


The Lady Downstairs

by ReapersAngel



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Based on Neil Gaiman's Twitter post, Crowley has a Fear of Elevators, Crowley's Plants (Good Omens), Disclaimer: Credits to BBC and Amazon Prime and Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, Drabble, Female God - Freeform, Female-Presenting God, How Do I Tag, Multi, Pre-Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), crowley's apartment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27151837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReapersAngel/pseuds/ReapersAngel
Summary: What Crowley does with his 'disappointment' plants, inspired by a Twitter post by Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself).
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley & God (Good Omens), God (Good Omens)/The Virgin Mary, Pre-Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens) - Relationship
Kudos: 27





	The Lady Downstairs

**Author's Note:**

> So I have a headcanon that instead of 'disposing' of his 'disappointment' plants Crowley just replants them outside. But then is a Twitter post by Neil (@neilhimself) that said that Crowley gave them to a little old lady and whala. Took a few indulgences, of course.

“Say goodbye to your  _ friend _ ,” Crowley said, grinning viciously at his trembling houseplants. The little potted thing in his hand shivered as he turned on his heel and strode towards the front door. He miracled up some chainsaw-weedwhacker noises as he left the apartment.

He took the stairs - of all things, Crowley had a healthy fear of elevators (what if it stopped in the middle of the shaft and he was trapped there for days? Would Aziraphale fret and worry if he didn’t come by- nope, not going there) - with the little plant shivering all the way. He rolled his eyes at it.

“Oh, stop it,” He said to it, “Like I’d  _ actually _ throw a plant out because of a leaf spot.”

The little plant sort of tilted in the way Aziraphale tilted his head when he was confused. He shook off the thought fondly.

He made off the stairs two floors down from his. He raised his hand to knock on the door, but it opened before he could.

“Oh, young Anthony!” The elderly lady said, smiling at him. Crowley smiled back. “Brought me another one of your children?   
  


“Of course, madam,” He said, making a flourishing gesture and bowing dramatically as he presented her with the little plant. It shook happily as she took it.

“Are you taking care of yourself, Anthony?” She asked. She always asked, and Crowley always indulged her - the only other person he allowed the pleasure to besides Aziraphale. He nearly smiled at the thought.

“Of course I am,” He answered.

“Eating enough? Sleeping enough?” She asked. “You’re always so skin-and-bones whenever I see you.”

“Of course.” He was, as much as a demon can be cared for. Besides, he’d slept for a century - that still rolled over.

“And that lovely boyfriend of yours?” She pressed. “I haven’t seen him for a while now…”

“Oh, yes, he’s doing very well,” Crowley said hastily. He had tried to dispel the notion that he and Aziraphale were dating, but had eventually given up at her insistence. It still made his ears burn every time to hear it, though. “Caught up in his beloved books, you know.”

“Oh, yes,” She said sympathetically, “I know the type. Still leaves time for you, I hope?”

“Of course,” He said, “Just yesterday we had lunch at the Ritz.” Which was true, of course. Aziraphale rather liked dining there, and Crowley could never say no to his - the, he mean  _ the _ \- angel.

“Oh, the Ritz!” She said. “Why, my wife would have loved the place if she hadn’t passed on so early. Such a lovely establishment.”

“Your wife?” Crowley asked. This was the first time he was hearing of her.

“Oh yes,” She said, sighing, “Her name was Mary. She was asexual, you know, but we didn’t have that word back then.”

“Would you like to talk about her?” Crowley said softly.

“Oh, it would be lovely to have an audience again,” She said, her eyes glazing over with some memory. But she shook her head. “I mustn’t keep you, should I.”

“It’s no bother,” Crowley said, “In fact, it would be my pleasure to hear about your wife.”

“Well, then,” She said, smiling, “Come in, then. I’m sure I can whip up biscuits and tea for us.”

And that was how Crowley learned about her beloved wife Mary, and assured her that if she ever walked to talk about her, he was open, and how the little plant learned its ‘disposed of’ friends had a good, happy home.

**Author's Note:**

> If you couldn't tell the elderly lady Crowley gives his plant 'children' to is God and her wide is/was the Virgin Mary. Via Good Omens the TV show we know that God is at least female-presenting, so I headcanon you: God the (mostly) lesbian and her lover/wife possibly asexual (which I did do for this drabble) Mary. Don't know much about religion so correct me on anything if i messed it up.
> 
> Comments and kudos appreciated!


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